I’m only 3lbs away from my first weight goal!!! Wooohooo!!! 😃😃😃
It’s September again.
And I’m having those thoughts again.
And my anxiety is filling me up again.
And I have to wake up early again.
And I have to be in awkward situations again.
And I have to get pens and paper again.
And I have to stress myself out over papers again.
And I have to push through every weekday again.
And I have to try to contain myself and my emotions again.
And I have to avoid panic attacks in public again.
And I have to spend my time trying to figure out what’s going on again.
And I have to try to impress teachers and parents again.
But the only thing that’s different this time is, my friends will not be there…again. I won’t have their familiar faces to look to when I need a pick me up. I won’t have the support they gave me. I won’t have the smiles,laughter and happiness they gave me. I have to do this by myself. I have to make new familiar faces and i don’t know how to. Making new friends is really daunting to me- and I know they say to just be yourself…but what happens when you don’t know yourself well enough to want to be yourself. Or how they say to be social and just talk to people…how do you do that? When everything in your body wants to hide and an anchor is in your throat not allowing you to speak even if you wanted to. How does it work? My anxiety has been really bad recently,and I’m scared that it’s just going to get worse and people will start to think something is wrong. I just don’t want to seem odd.
I will do my best to participate, but that does not mean I won’t be terrified.
I miss the way the lights look on the ground on those ever notorious british days with grey skies, where it rains all day.
There’s something terribly romantic about rain. Like it cleans the slate, allows you to start over and realise what’s real.
It’s nice. Rain is nice. I’ve decided.
TAYLOR IN LESS THAN 4 HOURS!!! HOLY MOLY!